Saturday, September 18, 2010
A day filled with firsts, fun and fear!
All week we have been anticipating Madi starting her VERY first day of preschool. And when I say preschool, it is one day a week for 2 hours... Not really "school" so to speak, but a nice place for Madi to play with other children her age. And that means Mommy gets a whole 2 hours to herself!
Well, I have been talking about doing something for ME for quite awhile now, but never seem to get down to doing it. So I decided that when Madi goes to preschool I am going to ride horses again. I rode competitively when I was a child, teen and adult. Before children! I haven't been on a horse in 13 yrs. But honestly, it's like riding a bike and I was jumping by the end of the lesson! I had to take a few breaks, because even though my legs were pretty tight still, I was OUT of breath! I was huffing and puffing after being in a 2 point (you are out of the saddle and supported by your legs) in just two times around the ring. Then I got a shooting pain in my head but it went away quickly and I was fine. I just over did it a little bit, but when I took the break, I felt fine after. I'm sure I'll need a cane tomorrow, but it felt OH so good!
John picked up Madi for me and brought her to the barn. We took pictures with my iphone but it was so dark they came out pretty bad. Madi LOVED the horses, I see a future equestrian! :) She was SO excited and kept squealing with delight, I SEE HORSEY!! It was so cute!
We finally left to go to lunch, the three of us. We went to one of our favorite homemade bagel shops. I stood in line while John washed his and Madi's hands and got a table for us. While I was standing in line, I noticed my eyes felt like someone had taken my picture with a BRIGHT flash. I wasn't quite sure what happened and thought it was the fluorescent lights in the shop. I ordered and paid and it still wasn't going away. In fact, it was getting worse. Now it was hard for me to focus. I sat down and told John that I thought something might be wrong. He must have thought I wasn't serious because he was eating his lunch and cutting up Madi's sandwich. The fluorescent lights were now making the flashing SO bright and I couldn't focus on anything inside. I got up to go outside and told him I would be right back. When I got outside it wasn't much better. I sat in my truck for a minute and closed my eyes, but I could still see this flashing. Now I was starting to get extremely nervous because it was now getting so bad, I knew I couldn't drive. All these crazy thoughts were going through my head! Was I having a stroke? Was I going to die any second from an aneurysm? Was I going to get my boys off the school bus today? I knew that I had NEVER expereienced ANYTHING like this before. Then I remembered back to the riding ring when I had the shooting pain in the right side of my head. Now these, I have had before and while they do scare me when they happen, nothing ever happens afterward so I ignore it. Probably stupid. But remembering back to the pain in my head, I start getting EXTREMELY panicked and walk back inside and inform John that he needs to take me to the ER. I get in his truck, he straps the baby in and I immediately started crying. I am thinking all these crazy thoughts, telling him how much I love him and the kids and I just want to be with them. I'm praying through this and trying to keep somewhat control because I don't to scare Madi. Hard to do when you think you are on death's doorstep.
We go to my physicians office (which is next door to the hospital) and they are on lunch so the door is locked. John had already walked up to the door and was back by the other door when he saw and nurse and told her what was happening. My Dr (who is also a friend of my father) came out immediately to get me. The flashing was slowing down. Ironically, my doctor has had a brain bleed (aneurysm) the same kind Brett Michael's had. So he immediately asked me about the head pain. He asked me on a scale from 1-10 what was my level when it happened with 10 being the worst. I said well it was not constant, but when it happened it was probably a 6 or 7. He said, well I'm pretty confident that if it was a brain bleed you would have felt like someone was hitting you in the head with a baseball bat. I then explained in great detail what happened. By this time I was feeling back to normal with the exception that my blood pressure was probably triple what it normally is. He said, I'm pretty sure you had an Ophthalmic (Ocular) Migraine. I had NEVER heard of this before. He still set me up for an MRI and another follow up appointment with him, and told me to Google Ophthalmic (Ocular) Migraine when I got home. So I did. And I was reading thinking, yes this is what happened then I saw the little "movie" picture of what it looks like and that is EXACTLY what the flashing spot looked like, but SO badly I couldn't see through it.
Please take a look for yourself HERE Make sure you scroll down to see the "movie" on the right.
Has anyone ever had this? Were you as SCARED as I was the first time it happened?
I'm sorry this has gotten so long and God bless you if you are still reading this! But I needed to write it all out, as I am still processing it. I am VERY thankful that this is NON life threatening. But it literally scared me half to death and was another LOUD reminder of how we need to think of each day as a gift! Tomorrow is promised to no one.
I pray every single day. But today I prayed harder and I can't even begin to explain the comfort I felt even when I was in full panic mode. I would start to panic and then pray and feel calmed. God is so good. Really.